The Journey

This song will forever be burned into my mind as my birthday song lol, thank you Niki, Jim, John, and the bartenders at Gravois Grill for that. I'll not forget walking into the bar and Niki ordering up a shot for us for my birthday, and the guy next to me hearing that it was my birthday and thus enticing me into a Jager Bomb...which turned into a couple, followed by a few more shots and some drinks lol. I remember dancing around to this song as Nik sang "Go Debbie, it's your Birthday" and thus it was Christened...this is my song lol

It was a great night, and there are pictures to come...they are presently on Niki's camera and I have to be patient because I was at Six Flags all day today, how I managed the heat and the sun on three hours of sleep, all the liquor I took in last night, and a killer hangover I'll never know but damn it was a nice weekend. I'm burnt to a crisp, the nausea and headache are rolling out and tomorrow will be a piss off day I'm sure...but I needed this weekend! LOL

I can tell you I was the best smelling girl in the bar, which was nice to hear, Niki and I had a blast!

Earlier in the day, my mom and my daughter and I went peach and blackberry picking which was so cool. Can't wait for my peach blackberry pie yummy lol and I even got a little history lesson in about how in the older times, if people wanted berries, they had to pick them all by hand, there weren't machines like we have now. Picking blackberries isn't as easy as it looks ya know. And when they smash in your fingers, my goodness they were so plump and yummy you just couldn't help but stuff a few in your mouth lol. My daughter and I were so sick from blackberries by the time we left!!

My daughter actually went around my house wrapping up my stuff behind my back, so when she woke, she gave me a card she made, and all these things, and we laughed as we remembered each item...and how she gave it to me the first time....and then found a new special place for it....fyi I LOVED it, great idea for kids!!!

She also gave me a nice little bracelet my mom got her to give me, but that really was an aside, the best gift was the one she spent all her time working on just so she'd have something to give me so I'd feel special and loved.

My mom gave me a card that brought me to tears, and a mug, and then got my my ereader which I have been dying to have...and took me out for a stellar Italian dinner. OMG the food was so yummy! I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

Spending the day with my family and the night with my friends was such a wonderful way to spend my birthday...I couldn't have asked for a better, more peaceful or more wonderful day. I got a ton of wonderful birthday messages from friends and people that wished me a wonderful relaxing day...and that's exactly what I had...two days actually!

And ya know, today I had an epiphany...I was at Six Flags with my friend, her daughter and my daughter. And we were on the lazy river, and I was so relaxed and just laughing and having a good time. I sighed in bliss and looked up at the sky. My feet dangling in the cool water, and I thought wow this is so nice. So calm, and if everything could be like this...just flowing along nicely...feeling so free and wonderful life would be grand...especially a particular relationship I am involved in right now lol.

So I, of course, being me ask my angels to show me an answer to my dilemma with this man. And I always look the clouds first for my answer because that is where I have seen the most truth, and the clouds have never lied to me. And the clouds were all shaped like kissing angels. I wished I had had my camera. I asked my friend if she saw it, and her daughter did, and so did mine. Later Chris saw it. All day I saw kissing angels, and I just knew that things are going to be okay with this person that is in my heart.

So I called and left this story on his voicemail since he loves to ignore me so much. And hopefully he will see how meaningful it was/is. Peace, love, and happiness...it's all there for us to take if we allow forgiveness into our hearts and open up to each other and just let it flow. He told me that a long time ago. Unconditional love and let it flow. I don't think i really understood that until today. Because the other part of the story is that as I was trying to enjoy the lazy river, my anxious, hyper and very much like me daughter, kept grabbing my hand, pulling at me, trying to rush me, and every time she did I'd get pushed up against a wall, and it would knock me backward...and irritate me and as much as I love my kiddo i just wanted her to leave me alone because I wanted the peace and the calmness of the river...yes baby I get it now.

So that was my epiphany...maybe it's easy to understand to people reading it, but for a hard headed, stubborn ass leo who has always had to go through the school of hard knocks...well this one has taken time but I'm getting there.

So what are my plans for now? Well I can't wait to see my pictures, I can't wait to get Chey started in the third grade...To get back on track with my fitness goals...to get caught up on work...and to really just enjoy being me...I think I'm learning to really like who that is. I'm quirky, I'm silly, I'm a bit crazy and outlandish sometimes, but I got heart, I got passion, I got spirit, and most of all I've got dreams to achieve, and I can do it. I can do it because I'm me and I know I have what it takes.

Thanks to everyone who believed enough in me to not give up until I believed in myself. Year Number 33 had it's up and downs but for the most part...I can look back and see mostly positive things...and it's been so long since I could say that!!! Thank you Thank You Thank you!!!! I love all my friends and family who have stood by my side and walked this journey with me. I look forward to year 34 and the new people it will bring, and the new experiences it will bring to those who have remained on the journey with me for so long!