Lay it Down

I've thought long and hard about what to write. It's been a tough week for me. The first week of my 34th year and it started off pretty rotten. I can't wait for the end of 2010 but Nikki and I swore that 2011 was going to be our year.

I'm taking a lot of solace in this song, and I've decided to go to church. Chey wants to go to church and although her dad will be taking her on Sundays, I will be taking her on Wednesdays and going alone on Sundays. It was very comforting to me, especially since the week was so shitty and the weekend, my plans ended up screwed and I cried most of it.

I don't know maybe I just need to get out of the house more, and getting involved in the church is the best thing I can do for myself. I need to have more faith and I don't want to get involved in some activity that is just going to lead me to more unhappiness. I need positive influences in my life that will lead me to positive changes and actual real things that I can do to be productive and reach out to the world. I felt safe and welcomed at this church. I think it will be my new church home, and I think there are a lot of things I can do there. I think I was led there for a reason.

Cheyenne and I have been having a lot of talks about God and that's good for us. It gives us bonding time and I am enjoying it. I'm enjoying that time we share and teaching her. We need that time together and we need to be able to share that experience of faith. So as bad as the week was, I'm starting here with something positive. When I hear this song, I know all I can do is lay it down, and trust that God has a plan....whatever it is...God will see me through these times and I will come out of this okay. He'll give me the strength to endure and to be okay. Better than okay.